Doubt and Fear (John 20)

“Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have come to believe.” From today’s Gospel, the Gospel of John, chapter 20, verse 29.

      In the name of God, Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Amen.

           Today’s Gospel begins in fear. “The doors of the house where the disciples had met were locked...” The disciples are afraid of the authorities. Now just before this, Mary Magdalene has told them that she has seen the Lord. This does not seem to have done anything to lessen the fear of the disciples. As we hear in the story, Jesus has to appear himself, before the disciples can let go of their fear. The word of Mary Magdalene was not enough for them. Their fear is more important to them at that moment than Mary Magdalene’s message. Their ordinary human, worldly fear has them fully in its grip. The most astonishing news in the history of the world, that Mary has seen the risen Lord, news which she is the first to proclaim, (and for which the Orthodox have given Mary the title Apostle to the Apostles) apparently makes no impression on them. You would think that the utter strangeness of her news would at least shake them loose a little, detach them enough from their usual state of mind, to decrease the power that their fear had over them. But, for the moment, it does not.

     “Jesus came and stood among them and said, ‘Peace be with you.’” Then he shows them his hands and his side. Why does he do this? Because, I surmise, the disciples don’t recognize him, just as, on the road to Emmaus in Luke’s Gospel, the two travelers don’t recognize him either. There, he is recognized in the breaking of the bread; here, in John’s Gospel, he is recognized by his wounds. But the two situations share one thing: the utter strangeness of the experience. Of course the resurrected Lord is not recognized. How can he be? In each case Jesus has to show something to the disciples that they can connect with their experience of him in his pre-resurrection life. Once they make the connection, they are free from the doubt and fear in which they have locked themselves, at the beginning of today’s reading. “Then,” and only then, “the disciples rejoiced when they saw the Lord.” In other words, they don’t actually see him, even though he is there in front of them, when he first appears. Jesus helps them to see him, with the help of the signs that he gives them, and frees them from their fear. Their rejoicing is as much relief from the burden of fear which they have been carrying, as it is joy at their realization of what is happening. “Peace be with you,” Jesus says again. The Greek actually says, “Peace to you…eirene humin.” With this phrase, Jesus is confirming the disciples’ awareness of their new reality. This peace is something new; it is more than a mere cessation of the doubt and fear which had previously imprisoned them. It is the peace which the Father and the Son share, the peace in which the Father sent the Son into the world, the same peace in which the Son sends his disciples into the world. And that peace enables the disciples to receive the Holy Spirit, who shares it with the Father and the Son. “He breathed on them and said to them ‘Receive the Holy Spirit.’” The Greek actually says “Receive holy spirit…lavete pnevma hagion.” This is Spirit, breath, shared, common breath, of Father, Son, and Spirit, the common divine breath of all life.

     But not all the disciples experience this, not yet. There is still Thomas. He “was not with them when Jesus came.” Why not? Where is he? Is he, like the disciples were, locked in fear, refusing to believe what he is hearing? Possibly. Just as Mary Magdalene says “I have seen the Lord,” and is not believed, at least not right away, so the disciples say the same thing to Thomas, who refuses to believe. The disciples don’t test the Lord, don’t demand proofs, but Thomas does. But Jesus shows the same signs to Thomas that he has shown to the others: his wounds. And how does Thomas respond to this? I’m sure that he rejoices as the others do (altho the Scripture does not say so --- rejoicing is probably only a hint of what their experience is  really like), but he adds to his rejoicing; he proclaims, “My Lord and my God.” In other words, he adds to and completes the understanding of the disciples, who have experienced peace and Holy Spirit, breath and life of God, altho they haven’t said anything about it, nothing that is recorded anyway. Thomas, in saying “my Lord and my God,” is confirming that these experiences, these insights, are of the very life of God himself. His doubt has given him time, opportunity, depth, to perceive and express this new reality, which the Resurrection has brought into the world. Thomas, in other words, can be called an Apostle to the Apostles, just as Mary Magdalene is. Doubting Thomas confirms that in Jesus, humanity and divinity, human life and divine life, are united and present in the disciples as well.

     “Blessed are those who have not seen and yet believe.” It is Thomas’s doubt which makes his belief possible; his doubt gives him time, freedom, to come to awareness. Jesus is able to reveal himself to Thomas, because Thomas is open to it. Although Thomas presents his doubt to Jesus in the form of a demand, it is really a sign of Thomas's openness to Jesus. And Jesus doesn’t impose himself on Thomas; he meets Thomas where he is, where his doubt, and his demand, are. It takes Thomas a week to show up, from where we don’t know, and Jesus waits for him. And when Thomas does show up, he and Jesus are ready for each other. “Put your finger here,” Jesus says, and more. Scripture does not actually say that Thomas touches Jesus. If he doesn't, Thomas in effect disobeys a command of the Lord. But the next command, which is really an exhortation, “Do not doubt, but believe,” he does obey, and obeys so well that the consequences have endured to our own time.

    Doubt is a kind of seeing, a kind of believing. Doubt makes belief possible, because it doesn’t prevent discovery, but creates a space in which truth can appear. When we doubt like Thomas does, we aren’t rejecting the possibility of belief --- we are allowing it to happen. Thomas could easily not show up, and deny the possibility of belief, but he allows himself the chance to encounter the risen Jesus, and he sees him.

     The story makes clear that the opposite of belief is not unbelief, but fear. Fear is symbolized as the locked room in which the disciples are hiding from the authorities; freedom from fear is symbolized as the presence of Jesus in that space, infusing the breath of life, of God, into that airless, lifeless room. But there is just enough of an opening in that space, so that Jesus, life, breath, Spirit, can find their way in and expel fear and let God in. That is why, in that same room a week later, Thomas is able to bring his doubt to Jesus, and in that free spiritual space, experience the risen Lord.

     Our fears and doubts, therefore, are opportunities for us to approach Jesus, to give ourselves the opportunity to experience him in his risen life. Fears and doubts aren’t obstacles to belief, but gateways to it. We may bring them to Jesus in prayer and meditation and worship, and give him the opportunity to say to us, “Put your finger here…do not doubt, but believe.”

     I am mindful that in many places in the world today, it is physically dangerous, even lethal, to be a believing Christian. Martyrdoms in Iraq, Syria, Kenya, and many other places, keep before us the true meaning of Crucifixion, and the strength and courage necessary to believe in the Resurrection. Fear and doubt have real, difficult, terrifying meaning for many Christians, perhaps hundreds of thousands, maybe millions. Here in California it is easy, safe, to talk calmly about fear and doubt, in a detached, calm way. We must always remember that in many places in the world, fear and doubt are conditions of life in places where there is no religious tolerance, no respect for the Gospel, no respect for spiritual freedom. Not to see and yet believe in an environment of persecution is a vocation to which we have, by God’s mercy, not yet been called. Let us pray, that as we bring our fears and doubts before the Lord, that he will strengthen the faith of those facing persecution, and that we will have their courage, their faith, if such a time of trial comes to us.

“Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have come to believe.” From today’s Gospel, the Gospel of John, chapter 20, verse 29. 

     In the name of God, Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Amen.